Every day it hurts a little more. I will not pretend it’s perfectly fine. My heart hurts because I’ve let it love.
I know all things work together for good for those who love the Lord but sometimes it’s so hard to see the good and all we can do is hang on to Jesus in full trust of his goodness and faithfulness. I do trust him but some days I just put my hands in his and look imploringly up into his face to ask, “Why did this happen?”
Every time I meet someone, finding out why they were brought into my life is a fun discovery and an exciting adventure; I wonder what I can do for them and how they will challenge me and impact my life. God kindly brings people into my life just when I need them and I often don’t realize until afterward just how much I needed them at that moment, He prepares our hearts for hard times before we even see them coming.
Wondering why people are gone is just not the same; it’s not fun or exciting. Why do people leave? Why do friendships fade? I am tired of saying “goodbye”. This just wasn’t supposed to happen again, was it? At least I have Jesus and a family who will never leave me. I will not be utterly forsaken.
For every time I have to say “goodbye” it makes saying “hello” to the next person so much harder. Listen, My Heart: Stay open, stay alive, and keep on loving. You can’t experience the joy you long for without taking the risk of pain and My Heart, remember the joy is worth this pain. Also, remember to stay focused: it’s not about you.
“This is the world from which Jesus came to redeem us, to give us faith in his Father’s love so that we do not need to assert ourselves and our innocence and our righteousness, so that we can relax and confess the truth about ourselves, so that we can stop judging ourselves and others, because we know that it doesn’t matter: God loves us anyway, so that we are liberated enough to risk … loving and being loved by others, liberated enough to know that we belong to each other because we belong to God.” — Herbert McCabe