Waiting for Honor

I wrote this in a little desperation and hurt almost a year and a half ago and just saw it in my journal again tonight. I still pretty well like how I wrote it so I thought it would make a good blog post for tonight.

I wish more young girls would wait for a young man who has grown up loving and honoring women and girls. Instead, far too many run around with boys who don’t care about them just to have a good time. Of course, this only leads to heartache and the blame usually belongs to both the boy and girl but from my perspective I’ve seen more girls’ hearts used by selfish boys than the other way around. Hearts are not a toy to be so easily thrown around.

 

Waiting…

Why does a young man think he can have all the fun he wants when he’s young but then wants the best wife he can find when he’s ready for marriage? He wants a woman who saved herself for him but he doesn’t save himself for her. He wants her first kiss but he gave his away years ago.

What about the young woman with noble character?

What about the young woman who strives to do her husband good all the days of her life?

What about the young woman who saves everything for the man she’ll marry?

What about the young woman who thinks about her future husband and what belongs to him; above herself and what she wants in the moment?

What about the young woman who prays for her future husband, not about her relationship with him but just for him?

What about the young woman who dresses modestly out of love for her brothers in Christ?

What about the young woman who is feminine and ladylike in appearance, word, and deed?

What about the young woman who gives her heart to a young man, hoping it’s for forever but he only wants it for a short time?

She’s unwanted, unnoticed, and uncared for until the day the young men decide they’d like to be married. Then they want the best—they want her. But why should she give her heart away to somebody who has been so selfish? Why would his selfish habits change overnight just because he met her?

She hopes for more than this. She hopes for a young man with noble character who has done her good all the days of his life; a young man who cares for her even though he doesn’t know her yet; a young man who has saved everything for her-—a young man who has stayed as far away from the cliff as possible instead of seeing how close he can creep before falling over the edge. She hopes for a young man who treasures her heart and purity and who is willing to protect it at great costs. She hopes for a young man to love her who truly knows what love is.

She’s waiting for him and he’s waiting for her.

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5 responses to “Waiting for Honor

  1. I wish more young girls would wait for a young man who has grown up loving and honoring women and girls. Instead, far too many run around with boys who don’t care about them just to have a good time. Of course, this only leads to heartache and the blame usually belongs to both the boy and girl but from my perspective I’ve seen more girls’ hearts used by selfish boys than the other way around. Hearts are not a toy to be so easily thrown around.

    I was going to leave this alone, because I can easily affirm about 99% of the thoughts in this post. I’m choosing to offer my own perspective — not because either of are right or wrong (in fact, I’m sure the truth is somewhere between our painful experiences); it’s that I know our enemy strategically covers every angle to embitter us all, male and female alike.

    My senior year in high school, I had recently asked a girl to the prom, but she hadn’t offered an immediate answer. My best female friend was tried to guard me from the forthcoming letdown, telling me that I was “the marrying type, not the dating type,” and that “high school girls aren’t looking for the marrying type.” This was supposed to bring me solace, as if I were to expect that the marrying type would eventually become in high demand. Needless to say, my response was similar to yours: why should I respond to pleads for an honorable man after women have received their fill of eye candy and left me to be the savior of unnecessary pain?

    At 20, I had an amazing time with a wonderful young lady on a choir tour, and she convinced me to join her on the top of the Empire State Building on Thanksgiving weekend in New York. Having seen the movies, I pictured this as the perfect evening to tell her that I’d like to pursue a relationship. We stood on the lookout for 30 minutes, sharing meaningful conversation until she got hungry. I walked with her to McDonald’s, where she confessed to me that I was easy to talk to and her best example of an honorable guy. When we returned to the hotel, I was about to ask her if she’d like to start dating when she revealed to me that she was interested in the hunky upperclassman with whom she had never had an hour of conversation.

    After working as a church camp staff the following summer, I received e-mails from two teenage girls asking why there weren’t boys like me there own age. One in particular, an incredibly beautiful 15-year-old, thought she had lost all hope that honorable men could be found in her lifetime. In a particularly frustrating reply, I told her that I had once been an honorable 15-year-old and nobody cared, and was certain that honorable 15-year-olds at her own school would be similarly ignored, therefore she ought to begin looking through different eyes if she was more concerned with his heart than his image.

    I’ve had similar experiences since, but I share these because I was once in your position and age. I’m not discounting your own perspective, but I think women are equally responsible for deciding what they want and sticking to it. Meanwhile, there’s something in this culture (often entertainment) promoting that women can accept the unchanging physical factors of a man (attractiveness, intelligence, charisma), yet convince themselves that a man’s integrity can change. The hard truth is, women know they can’t make a man more attractive, intelligent, or charismatic, so taming the bad boy seems like a more feasible and productive cause.

    It may not be a conscious decision (for the enemy is deceptive), but I’ve seen more spirit-filled women with unequally-yoked, “attractive” men than I have with spiritual men of honor, which is indicative of what is actually being considered by most young Christian women. As you noted, the signs should be obvious from the beginning; outside of a transformational work of God, these men will not change when they finally decide that they need a wife.

    Laurel Anne, I think you’re an awesome exception, but you must begin to view yourself as an exception. This is what holiness is all about: doing things set apart from the world. If you have it purposed in your heart to hold out for an honorable man, don’t allow yourself to get frustrated by the masses of dishonorable ones. If other women settle for a less honorable man, that is unfortunately of their own doing; they could have just as well chosen as you have. Choosing to wait for a noble man inherently means choosing something scarce, hence what makes him noble. We must continue to fight off bitterness or lies of our enemy that would have us believe we deserve something less.

    • Anthony,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I understand better now how circumstances can be the same for men today as well as women. I knew this before but I’d never really been told of specific examples.

      Ah yes, bitterness is my pitfall and I’m afraid that did come across in this post, as it did in much of my writing a few years ago. I do wish more women and men would wait for the treasure of a spouse of worth rather than settling for something mediocre but it’s not my place to say so in bitterness and resentment. Instead, I could help my friends through kind encouragement to make wise decisions.

      I was feeling bitter when I wrote it, only hours after I was told for the first time by a high-school boy (and it’s been more than once) that I’m the kind of young lady a man would marry but not date and that he and his friends weren’t looking for a girl like me at their age. Hearing how little even many Christian young men value good character, purity and integrity I was angry and crushed, which left me the closest I’ve ever been to ditching the whole purity ideal . . . because at 17, I was losing hope. Habits are habits and I didn’t want to be stuck married to a man who had been “on the prowl” for years because I wondered, wouldn’t that continue? If he got tired of me, wouldn’t he just dump me like he was used to doing with girls when life got rough?

      He was a kind friend who told me this sad truth but I reacted defensively because he was asking me to hold out on the immaturity of boys until they grew up. I hated that these young men didn’t believe they could be mature, honoring, and kind to young women even when they themselves were young.

      I am learning more grace since I wrote this several months ago. I am learning forgiveness as well. The boys I’ve known have never purposefully hurt me and they are still learning and growing, just as I am, and in this I am also learning patience.

      Particularly since the time I wrote what I posted God seems to have said “here, let me show you that real men do exist” and he’s brought into my life several of the most wonderful brother-like friends I could ever hope to know. I really am blessed to have these friends. I do choose to hold out for a noble-man and I am more aware now than I used to be at how scarce they are. This doesn’t scare me though, they do exist and if God wants me married I am confident there is one such man for me.

      “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates” ― Amy Carmichael

  2. I love the verse you mentioned above about “doing (husband) good all the days of her life” from Proverbs 31. Most think it’s from the day you say I DO, but this verse is much deeper. It’s really about every day of your life.

    I believe you’ve got to pursue purity for yourself and seek God’s approval before you see the approval of anyone else. I think both of you have good points.

    It’s tough, especially in today’s world where purity isn’t really seen as an admirable quality. I believe purity was AND STILL IS God’s plan for each of us (single and married). Purity is freedom, purity is protection, and purity is priceless. It’s a lifestyle that many do not understand or respect. You keep pursuing God and let Him worry about all those fish in the sea. He’s knocking on their hearts just like He knocks on our hearts. I’m so glad God loves us right where we are and gives us all 2nd chances when we mess up.

    Purity is beautiful!

    • Thank you for the encouragement, Connie! I agree, purity is beautiful.

      A couple years ago I was studying Proverbs 31 and that verse really stuck out for me. Many times as I read through that chapter when I was younger I assumed “all the days of her life” meant “all the days of her married life” but then it hit me–the word “married” isn’t there at all. “All” means “all”–before, during and after marriage (if she outlives the marriage, that is).

      Then I had to consider that while I did hope for a man who did me good all the days of his life, I also had to accept that he might not have become a Christian or understood the value of purity until he was already out of school, for instance. So while I do hope for a man like this, I make no demands on it. Everyone needs forgiveness because we have all sinned. I now hope for a man who has repented of his sins before God, asked and accepted his forgiveness and now values what God values with a humble and honest heart.

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