Guy–Girl Relationship Advice #2

Don’t let yourself be in relationship with someone who’s “falling in love” with you simply because they’re starving for affection.They aren’t ready for romance and you should have more in a relationship. Don’t settle for this.

But I’m wondering, where’s the line of being nice and kind to them while not leading them on?

3 responses to “Guy–Girl Relationship Advice #2

  1. I wish there was a definite line, Laurel. I once defended the idea that men and women could remain strong friends without an unreciprocated “falling,” and though I once had many relationships like this, they were years ago — perhaps I was too oblivious to notice I had been crossing a line? Maybe it was a different time in history.

    Whatever the case, I only have two “friendships” left with women, and both are convinced that I should be with them romantically, as if I owe it to them because I’ve been there in times of need. I’ve been honest about my intentions from the beginning and regularly guard my actions towards anything that might be perceived as flirting or affectionate. But it doesn’t seem to matter. This frustrates me, because our friendships suffer for it. How do you tell somebody that they’re not ready (or spiritually attractive) enough for a relationship when the entire world is judging the “qualifier” differently?

    Going back to your quote, it doesn’t make sense for me to reciprocate a romance simply because I’m flattered that these women are enamored with me. If anything, it’s a turnoff that I’m not being allowed to lead an appropriate relationship under Godly principles. But in these situations, for you or myself, I don’t know that anything different can be done. Here’s the spiritual problem:

    Living as SALT is so rare in this society that men will misinterpret the common care you offer every individual as something special to them, even when it isn’t. Satan knows how to manipulate a good thing, and with weaker men, this is even easier. It may just come with the territory for you — all the more reason to exercise wisdom and communicate with clarity beyond what you might expect should be necessary. And pray… a lot.

    • Thank you Anthony.

      I don’t know if I’ll be able to remain friends with this man, but I hope so.

      I’m afraid your last paragraph is true. I’ve noticed it with other men in my life–when I was younger and weaker I latched on to some of my guy-friends who were just plain kind. Not only kind to me, but they were a kind person to everyone they knew–I failed to notice that. Now the tables have turned and I have to learn fresh how to deal with the situation.

    • I wouldn’t reciprocate a romance (or even feel like it) simply because it seems to be offered either, but I can see how some could when feeling desperate, or lonely themselves.

      I’m reminded of a quote one of my friends shared on Facebook the other day: “A woman is not to marry a man merely because she is asked, or because he is attached to her and can write a tolerable letter.” I think the same goes for an intimate relationship even before marriage.

      It seems like so many just say ‘yes’ to whoever asks, without really thinking.

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