Life is hard to understand. I know we have reason to be okay with not understanding it, but it’s very difficult to trust sometimes.
Life is hard when I hardly have any money and then I’m in a car accident that’s my fault (thankfully no one was hurt); it’s hard when I want to be good friends with a few young men in my life, but they seem to not care to have friends who are girls if the girl won’t be their girlfriend; it’s hard moving “home” from state to state; it’s hard to see so much injustice in the world and feel so helpless; it’s hard when I’m unhappy about the political and economic situation of my country; and it’s hard for many other reasons as well.
I don’t know how I would cope with life if I weren’t a Christian. Right now that’s about all I’m leaning on. Knowing there’s a God out there who cares deeply about me, who cares about justice, who is always with me, and eager for a personal relationship with me is such comfort. I couldn’t do it on my own. My life would either be a total wreck by now or it would be over. It’s scary to think about.
There’s got to be lessons to learn from these difficulties. I think God is showing me I haven’t been trusting him as much as I thought I had. It’s fairly easy to say I believe in God’s goodness and faithfulness when my life is going as I like, because I don’t realize how little control I actually have over it. When things go against my wishes I finally see how little I really do see. I must be pretty thick-headed and God must want me to become pretty strong because he’s shaken me in absolutely every area of my life in order for me to wake up to this lesson.
One of my good friends texted me this scripture this evening from Jeremiah 29:11-13: “For I know the plans I have for you [Laurel], declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” –So true and so good to hear. (Thanks for talking with me so late Ethan!)
I have a massive headache from crying all my make-up off earlier, but in this discouragement, confusion and sadness I have been encouraged by God, my family and other good friends. My dad gave me good advice, my pastor’s wife prayed with me on the phone, one of my Boulder friends offered that I could call her and just cry, my roommate spent the evening with me in the park stargazing and talking and then we came in and ate chocolate dipped strawberries, as I mentioned before my brother-friend gave me encouragement through scripture, and many others asked how I was doing. I feel loved.